Obstacles.

So, I have been MIA…. For months. Sorry about that. It is a very long story, but in short, I have really struggled with my own mental health. Maybe I will share the details another day. As for now, I am trying to refocus myself on my own health and wellness.

Unfortunately over the past few months I have stopped exercising and watching my diet. The result… weight gain, fatigue, loss of strength, loss of endurance, & depression. I just cannot not exercise and eat crap. I feel terrible. Gone are the days where I could sleep all day and eat fast food without feeling poorly or having guilt about it.

In an attempt to refocus myself, I am reevaluating my situation, including my goals. The twins are 2.5, full of energy, a two-person job for sure, and are still only sleeping through the night (Ellison) 30ish% of the time. This greatly affects what I can and cannot do realistically. So, instead of putting myself up against impossible goals and then feeling defeated when I do not accomplish them, I am choosing to set much more realistic goals in accordance with my current situation. All the while, I am reminding myself that it is just a season.

As far as exercise goes, I really just want to focus on my running. Running makes me happy. It makes me feel good. It helps me relax and destress. It has provides multiple benefits, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know, I know, lifting weights builds muscle and muscle burns more calories than fat… I get it. And I am not opposed to lifting weights. But, realistically, I cannot work out 6 days/week for an hour plus. I just can’t right now. So rather than setting myself up for failure, I am choosing to simplify my goals to meet my needs RIGHT NOW. And right now, I NEED TO FEEL GOOD. Physically, mentally, emotionally. So I am going to run.

Diet. Ugh. I hate that word. I swear I have been on a diet for almost 20 years. I have tried every “diet” possible, low carb, clean eating, low calorie, macro based, weight watchers, whole30…. The list goes on and on. While none of these were perfect, I have learned a little about what works for me and what does not. I FEEL best when I limit grains/sugar/processed foods. I am the least hungry when I eat a diet high in protein. What does not work… Restriction. Low protein. High carb.

So, my plan is to focus on a high protein/high calorie diet with limited grains/sugar/processed foods. I want to get majority of my carbohydrates from fruits and vegetables rather than junk. Like an 80/20 approach (80% clean foods, 20% unclean foods). My initial calorie goal is 1800 calories/day.  I am going to focus on this and running for TWO WEEKS before I change anything. I measured my natural waist and naval area for comparison; I am not going to weigh myself on the scale.

I am in difficult place right now but am truly determined to get myself back to feeling good. Life is difficult. Obstacles come out of nowhere and throw us off track. That is reality. But, I am choosing to not let it defeat me. I am choosing to overcome these obstacles. I am choosing me. <3

Drift.

 Our sermon in church yesterday was about religious drifting. It was defined as “Changing behaviors without changing beliefs”

As it was very clear how applicable it is to our faith, I had an “Ah-Ha” moment later yesterday afternoon as I compulsively ate Lemmon Oreos that I had “drifted” in more areas of my life that I had realized.

Why was I binging on Oreos? That is not behavior that follows my beliefs. And I know it. I know better. I know I have goals. BIG goals. To lose weight and improve my health and fitness. And I know that binging on Oreos is not going to help me reach my goals… In reality, IT HINDERS IT.

So, why am I sabotaging my progress? Why am I making poor food choices? Why am I letting Oreos WIN? Well, in my “Ah-Ha” moment I realized that there was much more to those Oreos than a tasty treat. It was a compulsive behavior. Like that of an addict.

Addiction:

·         a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)

·         an unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something

So, there’s that. I think I have an addiction to sugar. Like, a real addiction. There is no moderation for me when it comes to delicious sweet treats. It is all or nothing. I can usually resist sweets in general. BUT, if I allow myself to have some… I will likely eat all the sweets before I realize how much I have consumed.

This is a recent development. I have always had weight struggles and have definitely made many poor food choices to get where I am at and I have always had a sweet tooth, but, never to this extreme. I have never had a compulsive need to eat anything.

So yesterday in the midst of my “Ah-Ha” moment, I had a realization that I had allowed Oreos to have POWER over me and knew right then that it had to stop. I immediately threw the Oreos in the trash.

Weight loss is a journey. We stumble, we fall, we get back up, we keep going. End of story. So, this was definitely a stumble & fall but I will not allow it to derail all of my progress. I will keep going because the only other option is to quit. And quitting will result in me feeling like shit. And I don’t want to feel like shit. Simple enough.

Today is a new day and a new week! I have EIGHT weeks until our beach vacation and I have every intention of pushing myself as hard as I can to reach some fitness/weight milestones in the next eight weeks.

Now for the reality check. Not only did those Oreos make me feel awful last night (I had a horrible headache) but they also made their presence known when I stepped on the scale AND when I struggled to button my pants this morning.

Last weigh-in: 4/18/2016

177.0

Today:

182.6

Womp. Womp.

I am sure some of that is bloat but no excuses, I made poor food choices and it shows.

I started the week out right with a good Monday morning sweat sesh! Chest/Arms + HIIT before work! I plan to take measurements and pictures tonight and will check back in next Monday.

Hit Every Branch On the Way Down... (Weeks 3-6)

Sorry for the delay... keep reading and you will understand why... 

Week Three:

3/6-3/12

My workouts were pretty much on point. I did modify my original schedule to incorporate some running because I finally got my shin splits healed up and got new running shoes!

Sunday: Rest Day

Monday: Arms/Back & HIIT

Tuesday: Legs & Booty

Wednesday: Chest/Triceps & HIIT

Thursday: Rest Day

Friday: 1 Mile Run + Core Circuit

Saturday: Full Body

As far as nutrition went, it wasn’t the best week…

Sunday: Good

Monday: Good

Tuesday: Good

Wednesday: Went over carbs, fat, and calories a little bit

    and did not hit my protein goal

Thursday: Good

Friday: CATASTROPHIC…. Totally busted over my

  calories, carbs and fats BIG TIME. L

Saturday: Good! BACK ON TRACK!

So, this week was definitely the beginning of what ended up being a four week struggle for me. Life happened and I allowed it to spill over into my diet and exercise! We found out the first week in March that the daycare the twins attend was changing directors. We LOVE the previous director, so this was a hard pill to swallow, and it really only got worse the more we learned. I have two year old twins, Ethan & Ellison. Ethan has a severe life-threatening peanut allergy and requires a higher level of food safety than most kids. He cannot even come into contact with peanuts/peanut products or even someone/something that may have peanut residue on it without having a reaction. We have learned a lot over the past year since his diagnosis and the director has been so very understanding and accommodating that I really had built a lot of trust for her with Ethan! So, I made arrangements to go in and meet the new director and discuss Ethan’s condition and needs. IT. WENT. TERRIBLE. (more on this later). So, my stress level went through the roof about middle of week 3 after this meeting. So by the time Friday rolled around, I was stressed out and emotionally exhausted and I decided I just didn’t care! I ate a cheeseburger from Sonic and that just blew my macros for the whole day. I still had a small loss but I definitely think Friday made a difference in my results.

3/13/2016 Weigh In:

181.2

Down 0.6 pounds this week!

Week Four:

3/13-3/19

This week was rough. I got news Sunday morning that my uncle had passed away, which wasn’t unexpected, but still very very sad. The stress of the daycare situation had me feeling overwhelmed and lacking control. Plus, stupid SPRING FORWARD happened and threw everyone’s sleep schedule off. I really struggled to get my workouts in and even skipped two days.

Sunday: Rest Day

Monday: Legs/Booty/Core SKIPPED

Tuesday: Legs/Upper Body/Core + 1 Mile Run

Wednesday: Rest Day

Thursday: Legs/Booty & HIIT

Friday: Back/Triceps/Core & HIIT SKIPPED

Saturday: Full Body & HIIT

As far as nutrition went, this week was better than week 3, but still was not on point like I would have wanted it to be. I did discuss my slow/almost stagnant weight loss with my macros coach and she changed up my numbers to see if we could get the scale moving. She lowered my calories by 100, lowered my protein & carb goals and actually increased my fats just a tiny bit (which makes me SUPER happy!). Chocolate & cheese = yummy fats!

Sunday: Good

Monday: Good

Tuesday: Good

Wednesday: Good

Thursday: Good

Friday: Good

Saturday: Not great. Went over carbs & fat

              & did not meet my protein goal.

3/20/2016 Weigh In:

180.2

Down 1 pound this week!

Week Five:

3/20-3/26

Started C25K back up this week. I started with week 4 since I already have a small base. Running is definitely still a struggle for me but I know every run, good or bad, long or short, slow or fast, will help me reach my goals. I truly believe bad runs are where the most progress is made. If it were easy.... it would be your mom everyone would be doing it, right? 

Sunday: 2 Mile Run

Monday: Legs & HIIT

Tuesday: 2 Mile Run

Wednesday: Arm Day SKIPPED

Thursday: Rest Day

Friday: 5K Run + Chest/Back

Saturday: Full Body & HIIT

Still struggling with my nutrition...

Sunday: Good

Monday: Bad! Over carbs and under protein.

Tuesday: Good

Wednesday: Bad! Over everything.

Thursday: Not great, way over carbs.

Friday: Bad again... over calories, carbs, & fat. Under protein. 

Saturday: Good!

3/27/2016 Weigh In:

179.4

Down 0.8 pounds this week!

This week was a struggle but I tried hard to not let it get the best of me. Each day I just started over and kept on pushing myself. Not really sure how I managed to lose, but i'll take it! 

On Good Friday, 3/25, I took the kids to the gym nursery since we all had the day off. They printed off stickers for the kids and on them was my original gym picture from the day we joined! I was SHOCKED to see how big I was. It was much needed reminder of just how far I have come. On the left, it was 2013ish, I was 205+ lbs and had never been pregnant. On the right, March 2016, 180ish pregnant with 2 year old twins. I look and FEEL so much better now than I ever did back then.

And then Easter happened....

Week Six:

3/27-4/2

I started C25K back up this week. I started with week 4 since I already have a small base. Running is definitely still a struggle for me but I know every run, good or bad, long or short, slow or fast, will help me reach my goals. I truly believe bad runs are where the most progress is made. If it were easy.... it would be your mom everyone would be doing it, right? 

Sunday: EASTER! Rest Day

Monday: 2 Mile Run

Tuesday: Arm Day SKIPPED

Wednesday: Legs & HIIT

Thursday: Rest Day

Friday: 1 Mile Run

Saturday: Full Body & HIIT

Nutrition = DISASTER

Sunday: BAD

Monday: BAD

Tuesday: BAD

Wednesday: BAD

Thursday: BAD

Friday: BAD

Saturday: BAD

The whole week was just rough. My workouts were weak, I skipped one day altogether and did not push myself like I could have. I was STARVING all week plus my parents had made nut free/safe candy for Easter... they brought SO much candy and it was SO yummy. By Tuesday or Wednesday I finally just threw the rest of it out. I couldn't keep my hands out of it! Delicious Easter candy + PMS = a HORRIBLE combination.

4/4/2016 Weigh In:

181.2

UP 1.8 pounds this week!

Ethan & Ellison, Easter Sunday, 2016

So here I sit, EXACTLY where I was 3 weeks ago. I am pretty disappointed in myself, but, this is a journey, and it is not a fast one. There are lessons to be learned. Mental and emotional strength to be gained. Old habits die hard and I allowed that to get the best of me over the last few weeks. This lifestyle change is a slippery slope. Once you take one step backwards, IT IS VERY EASY TO FALL. And more often than not, you will likely hit EVERY BRANCH ON THE WAY DOWN.

So, what now? We keep going. We keep trying. We keep working. We keep learning. What other choice do we have? My friend Megan told me, "Well if you quit what's going to happen? You'll feel like shit" and she is so very right. This is a choose your hard situation. It is hard to be unhealthy and overweight and it is hard to get healthy and lose weight. But only one of those options has a positive outcome. So I choose to continue to work to get healthy and lose weight, even if it is hard. Progress pics help too! Sometimes I think we get jaded and don't realize just how far we have come. It really helps to pull out those old "fat" pictures and compare them to where you are now. You may not be where you want to be, but you are probably a lot better off then where you started!

Left: 2009, 205+ lbs
Right: March 2016, 180ish lbs

Left: 2012, 205ish lbs
Right: March 2016, 180ish lbs

Week Two

Week two (2/28-3/5) was AMAZING! Totally found my groove with both my workouts and my nutrition! Felt fantastic all week long even though I was getting over a respiratory bug!

Here is my diet & exercise log:

Sunday: 2/28/2016

Exercise: Rest Day

Nutrition: Met C/F/P

Monday 2/29/16

Exercise: Legs & Booty

Nutrition: Over fats, under calories

Tuesday 3/1/2016

Exercise: Arms & Core

Nutrition: Met C/F/P, under calories

Wednesday 3/2/2016

Exercise: Legs/Booty & HIIT

Nutrition: Met C/F/P, under calories

Thursday 3/3/2016

Exercise: Rest Day

Nutrition: BAD. Over on carbs, under on protein, over calories

Friday 3/4/2016

Exercise: Chest/Triceps & HIIT

Nutrition: Over fats, under calories

Saturday: 3/5/2016

Exercise: Full Body & 1 Mile Run

Nutrition: Met C/F/P, under calories

Here are a few pics from my IG @morganjayne!

So, I definitely felt like this week went better than the last but now that I look at my diary I see that I am still going over on my fats too often so that will be my focus this week. I just really like cheese and chocolate! I am trying to give myself some grace with my diet but I also have goals to meet and I know that staying consistent with my nutrition and exercise is what is going to produce the BEST results.

3/6/2016 Weigh In:

181.8

Down 1.8 pounds this week!

I did take measurements this week to compare to my starting measurements from 2 weeks ago:

Neck: -0.25”

Chest: +2.75” (pretty sure my starting measurement was wrong)

Natural Waist: No change

Naval: +0.5”

Hips: -2.0”

Right Bicep: -0.25”

Left Bicep: -0.25”

Right Thigh: -0.75”

Left Thigh: -0.5”

Right Calf: -0.25”

Left Calf: +0.5”

I don’t feel like me measuring myself is super accurate but I measured twice just to confirm the numbers. I know that my initial chest measurement was WAY off, not sure what happened there. I also took progress pictures but I seriously look bigger in the pictures from yesterday than from two weeks ago so I am going to wait another week or two before sharing them.

It is nice to see progress on both the scale and in my measurements though! Now it would be nice to see it in the mirror and the way my clothes fit! Either way, I can really tell a difference in the way I feel. I do not dread my workouts, I enjoy my meals, and I just feel good all the way around and that is what is most important!

Week One

Well, week one went okay I guess. I did not meet all of my goals but I pushed on and didn't give up. Life happens, and when it does, the “plan” usually fails as it did this week.

Here is my diet & exercise log:

Sunday 2/21/16

Exercise: Full Body Workout + HIIT

Nutrition: Good! Met carbs, fat, and protein and stayed under calories

Monday 2/22/16

Exercise: Rest Day

Nutrition: Over fats, under carbs, met protein, under calories

Tuesday 2/23/2016

Exercise: Back/Arms & HIIT

Nutrition: Over carbs, under fats, met protein, under calories

Wednesday 2/24/2016

Exercise: Legs/Booty & HIIT

Nutrition: Good! Met carbs, fat, and protein. Over calories by 12.

Thursday 2/25/2016

Exercise: Rest Day

Nutrition: BAD. Over on fats & carbs, under on protein. Met calories.

Friday 2/26/2016

Exercise: SKIPPED

Nutrition: Good! Met carbs, fat, & protein and stayed under calories!

Saturday: 2/27/2016

Exercise: Rest-Traded rest days with Sunday 2/28/2016

Nutrition: EPIC FAIL. Way over on fats, carbs, and calories & under on protein.

Sunday: 2/28/2016

Exercise: Did Saturday’s workout: Full Body + HIIT

Thursday we ended up going out to dinner with my parents to a place without nutrition facts available so I just did my best to guess-timate. Same with Saturday. I had a spa party to attend and I did try eat beforehand but I didn’t eat enough so all the yummy finger foods were so tempting! I tried to indulge a little without going too overboard and I think I did okay. I did say no to the wine and bellinis! Definitely could have had a few less mini cupcakes… They were my FAVORITE flavor (wedding cake) from my FAVORITE local bakery though.

By laying my whole week out here I can see where I need to improve. Must stick to the plan, both exercise and nutrition. However, flexible dieting is just that, FLEXIBLE. So I was able to still see a loss on the scale even though I have a few bumps in the road. The best thing we can do is just keep pushing forward to meet our goals. Life is going to happen. It is all how we choose to deal with it that will determine the effects, good or bad.

2/28/2016 Weigh-In:

183.6

Down 1.0 lbs this week!

In other news, I scored some new workout gear this weekend and that always gets me pumped for a workout!

Here is my haul!

New cross-trainers! I wear these for lifting and HIIT workouts. Asics are my FAV athletic shoes! I have wide feet with a high arch so I have to be picky about what shoes I wear to workout in so I don’t have arch pain or shin splints. I wear the Asics Nimbus for running.

Compression pants are a must have. And fun prints make working out more enjoyable! Old Navy has great compression gear. Size down for sure so they stay up while you run/jump/squat! Also scored this cute orangy-coral tank from Old Navy. They had everything 40% off this weekend!

Danskin tanks from Wal-Mart are a winner in my book. They are really affordable, moisture wicking, and they offer lots of different fits and colors. I prefer a looser fitting top for working out. I got two styles, the first two pictures are one style, I got the mint and pink in those. They have a mesh strip down the middle of the back. I did order an XL in these so they wouldn't be too snug. The last tank is a different style. It is more flowy with drawstrings on the sides. I got this one in black and a large since it was a looser fit.

I scored all of this for about $125 (shoes included)! Winning!

So far this week is going really great. I have met my macros and made it to the gym everyday but it is only TUESDAY so we will see what happens! Mentally I am really in a good place with my goals, especially with my exercise routine so I am going to just ride that train for as long as I can! 

I will follow-up next week on how week 2 went as well as measurements and progress pictures (because I didn't take any this weekend.... oops!) but so far I am feeling very positive and motivated!

16 Weeks.

We have a beach vacation planned for mid-June and that means that I have SIXTEEN weeks to get my beach body ready! I am still carrying 20-ish pounds since pregnancy... and the twins are TWO. It is time to shred those pounds and inches! I have been following macros off and on since last Fall and have been exercising pretty regularly but my plan and goals have been lacking. So, here's the plan and my goals!

THE PLAN:

1. Putting it on paper as a way to hold myself accountable.

2. Commit to my macros completely & trust the process.

3. Commit to the gym 5 days/week.

4. I will record my weight, measurements, & progress pics every Sunday and SHARE them both here and on my IG @morganjayne.

THE GOALS:

1. To lose 30 lbs or 3 pant sizes.

2. To really step up my lifting and shape my body.

3. To RUN. To run like I used to. To build a base back so that I can train for a half in the Fall.

4. Most importantly, to FEEL good about my health and the way I look.

THE REALITY:

2.21.2016

Weight: 184.6

Neck: 13.75"

Chest: 24"

Waist: 36.5"

Naval: 41.5"

Hips: 45.5"

R Arm: 14.5"

L Arm: 14"

R Thigh: 24.5"

L Thigh: 25"

R Calf: 16.5"

L Calf: 16"

Before Pictures

I will say that I started this journey with a bang today with a fantastic 2 hour sweat sesh at the gym! Much needed for my body, mind, & soul! Today was a full body workout consisting of Legs, Booty, Triceps, & Back plus a 15 minute HIIT session on the Stairmaster!

I hope everyone has a fantastic week and succeeds at following their plan and meeting their goals! I will update next week with my week 1 progress!