Obstacles.

So, I have been MIA…. For months. Sorry about that. It is a very long story, but in short, I have really struggled with my own mental health. Maybe I will share the details another day. As for now, I am trying to refocus myself on my own health and wellness.

Unfortunately over the past few months I have stopped exercising and watching my diet. The result… weight gain, fatigue, loss of strength, loss of endurance, & depression. I just cannot not exercise and eat crap. I feel terrible. Gone are the days where I could sleep all day and eat fast food without feeling poorly or having guilt about it.

In an attempt to refocus myself, I am reevaluating my situation, including my goals. The twins are 2.5, full of energy, a two-person job for sure, and are still only sleeping through the night (Ellison) 30ish% of the time. This greatly affects what I can and cannot do realistically. So, instead of putting myself up against impossible goals and then feeling defeated when I do not accomplish them, I am choosing to set much more realistic goals in accordance with my current situation. All the while, I am reminding myself that it is just a season.

As far as exercise goes, I really just want to focus on my running. Running makes me happy. It makes me feel good. It helps me relax and destress. It has provides multiple benefits, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know, I know, lifting weights builds muscle and muscle burns more calories than fat… I get it. And I am not opposed to lifting weights. But, realistically, I cannot work out 6 days/week for an hour plus. I just can’t right now. So rather than setting myself up for failure, I am choosing to simplify my goals to meet my needs RIGHT NOW. And right now, I NEED TO FEEL GOOD. Physically, mentally, emotionally. So I am going to run.

Diet. Ugh. I hate that word. I swear I have been on a diet for almost 20 years. I have tried every “diet” possible, low carb, clean eating, low calorie, macro based, weight watchers, whole30…. The list goes on and on. While none of these were perfect, I have learned a little about what works for me and what does not. I FEEL best when I limit grains/sugar/processed foods. I am the least hungry when I eat a diet high in protein. What does not work… Restriction. Low protein. High carb.

So, my plan is to focus on a high protein/high calorie diet with limited grains/sugar/processed foods. I want to get majority of my carbohydrates from fruits and vegetables rather than junk. Like an 80/20 approach (80% clean foods, 20% unclean foods). My initial calorie goal is 1800 calories/day.  I am going to focus on this and running for TWO WEEKS before I change anything. I measured my natural waist and naval area for comparison; I am not going to weigh myself on the scale.

I am in difficult place right now but am truly determined to get myself back to feeling good. Life is difficult. Obstacles come out of nowhere and throw us off track. That is reality. But, I am choosing to not let it defeat me. I am choosing to overcome these obstacles. I am choosing me. <3